Kindergarten

This is my second consecutive year to send a child to kindergarten... Over the past year, with two kindergarten milestones in a row, I’ve often wondered why sending a child to kindergarten is so heartbreaking for moms. I think I’ve figured it out. The first five years of a child’s life fly by, each year passing more quickly than the one before. Kindergarten is one of the first times a mother realizes just how fast her children are growing up. And, although we shudder to think of it, before we know it we will be packing their moving boxes instead of their lunch boxes. And it makes us sad.

Joseph's First Year

Because my children were born 12 months and 20 days apart, we always have their “big” parties together, but on their actual birthday, we have a smaller family party for just them. On Joseph’s first birthday, Sammy and I gave him his gifts while big sister was napping so he could open them without her “help”. It was a sweet day and we marveled that it had been an ENTIRE year since he was born. “Can you believe it’s been a year,” we asked each other repeatedly.

To be honest, I had just completed the most difficult (yet wonderful) year of my life. In hindsight, I recognize it had also been a year of countless realizations. Realizing that sleep can be far more valuable than following expert advice… Realizing that at times, being practical is a necessity rather than an option… Realizing that sometimes surviving IS thriving… Realizing that God’s grace is like manna; He only gives enough for that day, that hour, that moment…

As we celebrated Joseph, inwardly I was celebrating all of us for making it. We did it!!! Actually, GOD did it. And to this day, I am unspeakably grateful.

Breanna's First Year

April 15, 2004. Breanna’s first birthday. Much had changed since the day of her birth… As is true with most babies, her first year was truly a year of firsts: first smile, first laugh, first steps, and first words. I had many firsts that year as well: first Mother’s Day, first time to be called Mama, first experience with MOM GUILT…

But that year, our little family experienced much more than those typical firsts: including a big move, a big career change, and a BIG surprise. On Breanna's first birthday, I was days away from delivering baby number 2!! It was an eventful twelve months.

Of course Breanna has no memory of her first birthday party, but I will never forget it. We opted for a small guest list. It was just the three of us. She opened her presents, we went out to dinner and when we came home, she enjoyed her very own birthday cake, followed by a much needed bath.

And I couldn’t help but help but feel a little sad. I knew that Breanna was about to have to grow up a lot faster than any of us were ready for. I wished that I could warn her… Prepare her in some way. But, for that one day I chose forget about my concerns and fears of the days ahead and celebrate my little Breanna turning 1.

My Little Man

“I’m worried that my milk hasn’t come in… He’s always hungry”, I said with tear- filled eyes. The sweet nurse told me that he looked like a well fed baby to her. It didn’t take me long to realize that my little baby boy loved me and loved for me to hold him. And so I held him… Some might call it spoiling, but this child seemed to need me. And to be honest, I couldn’t resist…

I don’t know if all little boys are this way, but mine sure is. I’m pretty sure that no other human has ever made me feel so loved. He was made to snuggle. He has that little boy smell, and I love it. If I call him handsome, he calls me beautiful… And I feel beautiful. After an especially busy day, when told that it is bed time, he objects saying, “But I haven’t gotten to snuggle with you very much”… Yes, I do let him stay up a little later. He says "Mommy, I love you" so sincerely, several times a day... Oh, how I love him, too.

And, I know that he is only mine for a little while… Eventually, boys do get too big to snuggle with Mom, although I do tell him that I will ALWAYS make him sit in my lap, even when he is fifty. One day, I probably won’t be the most beautiful woman in his world… That’s okay. I’m going to enjoy him in every stage of life… And get all the snuggles he will give.

Random Acts of Cuteness...

Today, out of nowhere, Breanna told me, "If I ever have a store, it will be called The B Store, and everything in the store will start with the letter b. It will be a big store with a gas station and everything in the store will be free or on sale. That way if you don't have any money, it won't matter." She is too cute!!

Love....

It was an impulsive decision and we quickly changed our minds… But it was too late. There was a baby. It was due in April. We were thrilled… And I was sick… But then I was less sick, and there were signs that it truly was more than the stomach flu. We found out it was a she. And I begin to fantasize about who this little person would be. We did all the things new parents do when they are expecting… And then it was time...

Her first few hours of life flew by… Late that night, she and I finally had the chance for some girl time. I unwrapped my tightly blanketed gift. And I loved. Never had I loved THAT kind of love. As I carefully examined this wondrous, tiny, precious gift, waves of emotion flooded my soul…

And I thought of my Father... And I felt that I understood a little better how much He must love me...

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst; a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.

Unsolicited Advice

Have you ever noticed that anytime there is a “soon-to-be” or “new” mom, every “old” mom she meets; whether stranger, friend or foe, talks nonstop about “when she was pregnant” or “when her kids were little”? I used to HATE that. I now, regretfully admit am the worst of them all.

But there is a reason why women do this…

I got married when I was 20… Thirteen months later I had a daughter… Thirteen months after that I had a son (well, actually twelve months and twenty days later, but who’s counting?). So that makes me a twenty-eight year old with a kindergartner and a first grader. Most of my friends are just now starting their families, while I’m buying uniforms and school supplies… So, I guess by some standards, I am an “old” mom, “remembering when”…

I think one of the biggest reasons why “old” moms like to give new moms advice is that we remember… We remember when four hours of uninterrupted sleep was a victory… We remember going more days than we dare say without taking a shower… We remember daydreaming about when the kids are just a little older and the dreams that have been sacrificially placed on the back burner can be realized… We remember those days…

And we miss them…

We miss taking naps with a warm, snugly baby resting on our chest… We miss all smiles, coos, giggles and squeals… We miss being there every moment of our very favorite people’s lives… We miss when going to grocery store was our big outing for the week… We miss it…

And, believe it or not, one day you will too...

So, to all of you “new” moms out there, my unsolicited advice to you is to let the dishes, the laundry and the “to do” lists wait… because they’ll always be there. If your child wants you to hold them, read to them or play with them say yes… because they won’t always ask. Oh, and if one of us “old” moms want to tell you all about their experiences just listen and smile… because sooner than later you will be an “old” mom too.