Can I be honest? 2014 has been horrible. Actually, it's been worse than horrible, but I feel that the appropriate vulgarities to describe this year would offend...
On second thought, not all of this year has been awful. There was a small part of it that was wonderful. This spring, Sammy and I were absolutely thrilled to learn that I was pregnant. For a very short time, our third child brought my family more joy than I can put into words.
Then, on May 7th, at a routine doctor's appointment, it became clear that our baby's life had abruptly ended not long after it had begun.
I cannot communicate the devastation that has followed.
Even now, I cannot understand why...
Since that horrific day, along with our grief we've had one hard circumstance after another... The death of our dog of almost 12 years.... A totaled car... Fraudulent charges on our bank account... I could go on...
I've cried more this year than I thought possible. I'm tired. Grief is an incredibly lonely place. Shockingly lonely.
I wonder how many of you are suffering this Christmas, too?
Friend, I want to tell you, it's okay to be sad this Christmas. And, it's okay to be honest about your sorrow...
I think back to a young, first-time mom in a crisis of her own some 2000 years ago. A very pregnant Mary rode to Bethlehem... On a donkey. I feel certain that the preceding months had been almost as miserable as that donkey ride. A virgin explaining to her betrothed and family that she had been visited by an angel... That the baby within her was the Son of God. The Messiah.
Mary welcomed the Christ-child in a stable. Next to a goat. She didn't even have a blanket. Welcome to our mess, Son...
But isn't that His way?
Jesus isn't the one who expects Christmas to be picture perfect. Only smiles and made from scratch hot chocolate as you celebrate My birth, please.
No, I feel certain that Jesus is very aware of the true state of my heart this year and that He is happy to enter into my mess just like He entered into Mary's.
Jesus, this Christmas, I invite You to enter my messy, painful, sorrow-filled life. Please come and rebuild these ruins.
Praying that God is nearer to you and your family than ever before this Christmas and in the year that follows...
What a beautiful post - a true sermon. Thanking you for sharing your grief, your struggles, and - at the center of it all - the one on whom your faith is built. May 2015 be a much more peaceful and joyous year for you and your family
ReplyDeleteThank you, Matt... I really appreciate your kind words.
DeleteBeautiful, Anna. I hope you and Sammy have felt and continue to feel prayerful support we offer. We can't make it go away but consider it a privilege to walk with you.
ReplyDeleteMuch love, D
Thank you, Diane. Love you.
DeleteWhew. What a wild ride is this thing we call "life". Just when we think we might sorta kinda maybe have it all figured out, it changes. When we are blindsided by life's circumstances, may we be reminded of God's unchanging and steadfast love for us. Thanks for this honest offering. Hugs and love to you.
ReplyDeleteLove you, Bev.
DeleteThanks for sharing Anna and being so truthful. You have a good heart and you are exactly right about Jesus entering our messy lives.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Josh
Deleteamen, anna, amen. i have found that entering into grief with others, albiet extremely difficult and sometimes more damaging if not handled well, is one of the only things that helps to make it bearable. thank you for sharing a piece of your heart with us ;) your thoughts reminded me of an incredible book i have read- sacred sorrow. you read it?
ReplyDeleteThank you, Katie... No, I haven't read that book but will look into it. <3
DeleteAnna, you've got a gift for writing. Can't wait to see what you do with it. Love you!
ReplyDelete