Before I Forget

My 2011 Verse

2011-01-23T12:55:00.000-06:00

My senior year of high school, I was in a discipleship group with a few other girls. It was lead by my youth pastor's wife, Beverly. Bev taught me a few spiritual disciplines that have been a big part of my life ever since.

Most importantly, she taught me how to study God's Word.... Observation, Interpretation and Application. Additionally, she taught me the importance and benefit of keeping a prayer journal. Not only does this benefit me as I pray, but it is such a blessing to look at the prayers that God has answered from years past!

She also encouraged us to choose a "year" verse at the beginning of each year. I still remember my first year verse. I chose it in 1999....Phil 1:3-11. I chose a very long and meaty verse that first year, but was so blessed by it. Each year that I have chosen a verse, I am always amazed at how God uses it in my life each day.

This year, my verse is from Philippians again. It is a prayer, unlike any of my other 'year' verses. And it is a prayer that I am praying not only for myself,but also for my family and all of those God has placed my path.

Phillipians 1:9-11 And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

God is showing me that my ultimate calling in life is to know Him!!! And that of all the things I should be praying, I need to pray that those I love know and love HIM. I am excited to see how God uses this verse in my life this year, and I believe that by 2012, I will see more fruit of righteousness in my life and in the lives of those I am praying for.

Grantham Family Blessings from 2010

2010-12-31T19:39:00.002-06:00

I asked the kids to help me make a list of all of God's blessings to us in 2010.... My heart is full. :)

1. Daddy having a job

2. Mommy getting a job

3. Mommy graduating

4. Having a Merry Christmas

5. The dog getting a new bed

6. A good summer

7. Starting back to school

8. Christmas Break

9. Good grades

10. Good pictures with Kiki

11. Having a good year

12. Reorganizing Breanna’s room

13. Getting the touch and brush

14. Having fun

15. Healthy

16. We had family come over

17. Joseph didn’t have to get his finger pricked

18. Delicious food

19. A house

20. Our Church

21. Can worship freely

22. Having family worship every night

23. Making good friends at school

24. Getting stuff that we wanted for Christmas

25. My family

26. Our neighbors are nice to us

27. That we have a clean house

28. Mommy being able to sharpen all of those pencils

29. That we have the best Sunday school teachers ever

30. That we can learn about the Lord

31. We got Netflix back

32. Watching Veggie Tails

33. We had a good Thanksgiving

34. Breanna getting really good books that she really likes

35. The kids feeling better after being sick

36. Jesus

37. That God hears our prayers

38. Going to Jeffrey’s house

39. Jeffrey’s parents finding out where they were going to go besides Disney World

40. Raybon’s growing up strong and healthy

41. That Karis has been doing good

Kicking Against the Goads

2010-10-30T13:50:00.000-05:00

I've never had a time of stereotypical rebellion. I was never a partier. No tattoos. No piercings. No teenage pregnancies. For the most part, my outward record was pretty clean. Thanks be to God, that He goes so, so much deeper, requiring more from us than humanly possible. "Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7

With that truth in mind, I am always, on some level, rebellious. I don't want to stay on God's safe path of obedience. Like a stubborn mule or ox, I kick against the goads and make life slower, more difficult and much more painful than necessary.

The more I know of God, the more aware I am that I fall devastatingly short. It is only because of the knowledge of His great grace that I have hope. Because of the work of Christ on the cross, I KNOW that I am in good standing with God. "When Satan tempts me to despair and tells me of the guilt within, upward I look and see Him there, who made an end of ALL my sin." Yet, we are called to obey and live in such a way that will cause others to glorify God (Matt 5:16).

Over the past few months, I feel like God has been showing me areas in my life that are not glorifying to Him. Frankly, I didn't want to hear it. For whatever reason, I have been resisting God in two or three very specific ways.... Kicking against the goads. It has been miserable. My hesitation to surrender ALL has caused unnecessary hardship and many tears.

I know the road ahead of me is humanly impossible. Apart from utter reliance on God, there is absolutely no victory in sight. The Lord has carved a path for me that involves faith, not sight, heavenly treasure, not earthly gain, and humility, not man's empty praise. May my mind, heart and soul be continually transformed into His likeness. May my hope and faith be in Him only. And may I never forget that apart from Him, I can do nothing.

Hosea

2010-10-16T20:48:00.000-05:00

In June of 2009, I began inductively studying God's Word with a group of women at my church. God is faithful to continue that which He began in us, but when we submit by regularly seeking to know Him and obey Him through the study of His Word, our spiritual growth SKY ROCKETS. Within the first week, I was experiencing freedom from specific strongholds that I had struggled with for as long as I can recall.

But, by June 2010, I was beginning to experience some pride. I hate pride. It's so ugly, rude, obnoxious, and self-seeking. I had become somewhat desensitized to the sin I was still dealing with because it was a bit more subtle than it once was.

This summer, my bible study leader informed us that we were studying Hosea. Hmmmm..... Hosea. Why not?! Little did I know, the Lord had huge plans for me and Hosea. This summer God took away any and everything that I found the least bit of comfort or security in. He put me into SOOOOOO many circumstances that forced me to depend on Him. He showed me that I am Israel. He showed me that I am Gomer. Here I had JUST stepped foot in the promise land and I was already saying "you are my god to the work of my hands."

Idolatry ALWAYS leads to bondage. God showed me how SUBTLE idolatry can be. An idol is ANYTHING we are looking to for satisfaction and fulfillment other than God. Really. I know that sounds a bit extreme, but it is so true. Ugh! What a DAILY battle!

Lord, I am desperate for You! I need You more than I can even realize, let alone articulate. Sweet Father, may I NEVER choose a god over THE GOD! You are better! Always, always, always better!!!

Thank You for Your patience with this Gomer. Your love is better than life!!!!

The First Time My Faith Had to Work

2010-10-08T22:17:00.000-05:00

I have more childhood memories in the church than anywhere else. I was the Baptist of baptists. I come from a rich heritage in the faith and I am so grateful for that. I came to faith at a very early age and had never questioned what I'd been taught from the Bible. Up until I was 11 or 12 years old, life had been easy.

But then, it wasn't. Through a series of several hard, painful, and earth-shattering events, my whole world was quickly turned upside down. Where was God in all of this? Why Lord?

I remember flipping through the pages of my Bible, desperately trying to find hope as I read this:

Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for Him!

It was enough. It didn't make the hurt go away. But, it reminded me of the nature of God. And from there, I was able to keep going.

You may or may not know....

2010-08-07T18:32:00.000-05:00

I HATE food noises. HATE them. Gulping, crunching, slurping, smacking, sloshing.... I hate it all.
Yellow is my favorite color.
I love my grandparents. They are/were amazing people.
When you spend our entire lunch date talking bad about everyone we know, it's going to be hard for me trust you. :-/
My children make me laugh everyday.
If you think you are always right and rarely apologize to anyone, it is hard for me to love you.
I HATE coffee. And dark chocolate.
I think it's so important to be able to laugh at yourself..... I laugh at you all of the time. You're really missing out if you can't see how funny you are.
I LOVE TO DREAM BIG!!
I think that, sometimes, cussing is funny.
I LOVE people.
I was adopted when I was 9 weeks old.
I love Jay-Z. A lot.
I have written a children's book.... Haven't tried to get it published, yet.
I religiously watch the Real Housewives of New York. Love that show. Don't know why.
Sammy was my first and last serious boyfriend.
I can remember most anything I read or hear, so be careful what you tell me. ;-)
I love the Beatles.... I've been to Liverpool. And Abbey Road. And I've seen Paul McCartney in concert, which was AMAZING!
We don't have to be related for me to consider you family.
I am sensitive. :'(
21 is my favorite number.

Wordless (Because speechless sounds cliche) :-)

2010-07-31T22:38:00.002-05:00

Karis and her "Aunt" Anna

One of my dear friends, Katie Almy, has a beautiful 13 month old named Karis (which is Greek for Grace). This past December, Karis was diagnosed with a disease call Krabbe. Krabbe (crab-ay) is a horrible disease which effects the myelin sheath that surrounds the nervous system, inhibiting nearly all voluntary and much involuntary movements and functions of the body. We hate Krabbe.

There are many families affected by this disease in a variety of ways. The good news is that in the last decade paramount discoveries and advancements have been made in the prevention and treatment of this disease. We now know that if Krabbe is diagnosed at or before birth, the affected child can have a cord blood transplant which gives them the enzyme they need in order to halt the progression of the disease. Sadly, the only children that are currently being screened are the siblings of affected children and babies that are fortunate enough to be born in one of the few states that tests for Leukodystrophies at birth.

This past week, I had the privilege of accompanying Katie and Karis to Symposium, which is a week long gathering of the Leukodystrophy medical and affected family community. Symposium is in Buffalo, NY and presented by Hunter's Hope, a foundation that was started in 1997 by Jim and Jill Kelly after their only son Hunter was diagnosed with Krabbe. Since my return, many have asked, "How was it?" Honestly, I feel that I cannot yet answer that question. I feel like saying something really dramatic like, "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." I know that seems silly, but it really was!!


Balloon Launch

On one hand, I got to spend the week with two of my favorite people (Karis and Katie), reconnect with some of the most amazing people I know, and meet many more wonderful families and many of their incredible children. On the other hand, about 80% of the families who attended Symposium have lost one (and many times more than one) child to Krabbe. Some of those families have since had other children, and though they were affected by Krabbe, because of family history, were screened at or before birth and therefore were eligible to receive a cord blood transplant. I must say, the difference between these children and those who had not received a transplant was astounding.

From my first day there, the tears began to flow. My spirit was moved on so many levels. First, I was so moved by the number of families there (including Hunter's family) who had lost a child. Rather than burying the pain, or getting as far removed from it as possible, they were at Symposium, surrounded by children who reminded them of their own. Their pain was palpable. In fact, I asked several of them why they were drawn to be there. It just seemed too difficult. I was so moved by their answers. "Because it means so much to be around people who understand." "We HAVE to help! We must do what we can to rid the world of this disease." "I want to do what I can to raise awareness and keep others from having to experience this type of loss."

Trevor and his dad.

Then, there are the families with children presently affected by Krabbe. Each child was in a completely different place. Some were transplant recipients, many were not. They ranged in age from 13 months all the way to 13 years!! Their families are hurting in a completely different way. They are weary, and many are discouraged from the isolation they feel, from the hopeless words of their doctors, and from the way our society as a whole mistreats families such as these.

It is very odd for me to feel completely incapable to articulate my thoughts and emotions. Especially when I want to so, so badly. As I have prayed through this, I believe that God is showing me that there are some experiences for which words are grossly inadequate. As much as I would love to paint a perfect "word picture" for all who were not there, I just can't. It was really and truly a "you had to be there" week. REALLY. But, what I can tell you is a little of what I learned from these amazing families and their children: to be grateful for each day, to love well and to make each moment count. Life is precious, and the very things we often complain about are some of God's greatest gifts to us!

Sweet Jackson

I also want to encourage each of you reading this to take 10-20 minutes to educate yourself on Krabbe, Leukodystrophies and Newborn Screening by visiting www.huntershope.org. Find out how YOU can be an answer to prayer for one of these precious families.

I would love to help, BUT.....

2010-07-24T23:10:00.001-05:00

Have you ever felt compelled to do something? Let me give you an example. Let's say someone you know is going through a hard time. Maybe they're just feeling a little down because things haven't been going their way. Or, maybe they have had some serious hardship such as the loss of a job, a family member, or some other tragedy. And, it makes you want to help, say some kind words of comfort or encouragement, or even share with them how you've been through something similar.... But you say nothing. You do nothing. You really want to, but you convince yourself that you don't know them well enough to help. They have friends and family that they are closer to who can help them more than you ever could. Besides, it might be AWKWARD. I mean, you don't really know what to say anyway. And, you don't want to offend them by saying the wrong thing. This is a sensitive topic. No, you'll just pray for them. AND, the next time you see them you will ask how they are and see if there is anything you can do....

But, what if everyone responded that way? Or, what if no one else was as concerned as you are? Those words and deeds that your friend needs so badly will go left undone and will remain unsaid.....

"For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2:13

If you have something encouraging to say or do for someone, stop everything and find a way to do it or tell them RIGHT THAT minute. You may be the only person who takes the time to encourage that person, and I can guarantee you, you will have something to say that they need to hear. God uses us to manifest HIS love to others!

Of course as I was writing this post, God brought three people to my mind. So, I HAD to stop everything and write them a little note. And, they may not write back! That's part of the danger with loving people well. It isn't always reciprocated, which can be devastating. But what if God only loved us to the degree that we loved him?! We would all be doomed to hell for sure! But thanks be to God that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us!

How could I be so forgetful?!?

2010-07-01T08:12:00.007-05:00

I bawled my eyes out to Sammy last night. The past few weeks have been miserable for me. Through a series of challenging events and circumstances, I found myself in the midst of old habits and as needy as ever (in a bad way). Ultimately, I needed God to remind me that apart from Him, I can do nothing.

A very wise new friend spoke of how quickly we forget and it really resonated with me. She spoke about how the same people who saw Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead persecuted and ultimately killed the Son of God, and how the Israelites longed for the chains of Pharaoh after God had granted them freedom from slavery. As I heard her say these things, I realized that I was doing the exact same thing.

My natural state of sinfulness is a girl trying to earn God's favor, trying to "fix" myself rather than wholly lean on Jesus' name. I become insecure, paranoid, and just positive that I am the most hated person in the world. The month of June was FILLED with awkward, challenging, discouraging and even hurtful situations. Rather than bringing them to God and letting Him carry my burdens, I tried to carry them alone.

Before I knew it, I was rebuilding the walls that God has so graciously torn down. Vulnerability is impossible for me to accomplish in my own strength. In my flesh, I am very fearful of rejection and abandonment. I know myself too well to see any reason why anyone (including God) would love me or want anything to do with me. Like the Israelites, I was beginning to forget that although freedom is scary, it is so much better than the bondage of fear, insecurity, isolation, people pleasing, emotional eating, anxiety, and self reliance.

The past several days should have filled my heart with joy but because of all of the baggage I was toting around, I found myself feeling so very sad. Last night, God used my precious husband to remind me of the words that I usually say to him! That because of Christ, I am valuable and dearly loved no matter what anyone says, does or thinks about me. He reminded me of the huge victories God had granted over the past few days... I am so frustrating! Was I really in this place again? So inwardly focused that I can't even enjoy the enormous blessings that God has been so gracious to give? Ugh!

"God has chosen the foolish things of this world to shame the wise, the weak things of this world to shame the things which are strong...." This verse almost makes me laugh. I am so foolish and so weak, yet God has chosen ME! Paul says we can boast about our weaknesses, because power is perfected in weakness and Christ's power is dwelling in us!

Perhaps the way I have seen this most in the past six months is through the life of sweet Karis Almy. Diagnosed with a disease called Krabbe, I have watched this unbearably precious baby lose so many abilities that we take for granted everyday. Yet, she is the strongest person I know. Though she is in pain, she rarely cries. And what moves me the most about Karis is that cognitively, she is just like any other one year old, but due to the demyelination of her nerves, she can't use the body God has given her the way I know she wants to. But, she is so content. Her spirit is so sweet, so patient, so joyful. She is so "weak" by the world's standards, but Christ's power dwells in her, and it's unlike anything I've ever seen.

And what perspective that gives me in my struggles. Like Paul (and like Karis), I will be "well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong." Lord, help me never forget!

I Love Summer

2010-06-05T19:31:00.003-05:00

Why are we more relaxed during the summer? I mean, even people who work 12 month jobs are more chill in the summer. I think it is because we all determine that EVERY summer will be fun. We are so intentional about figuring out how to enjoy the summer. Pretty sure it's just a frame of mind. One that could carry over to any time of year.

Almost 30......

2010-05-14T09:41:00.013-05:00

I still have one year and 2 days until I am 30, but I am already thinking about the big 3-0. I know that in the grand scheme of things, 30 isn't all THAT old. But, in my mind 30 has always equaled grown up. I guess that's because my parents were 30 when they "got" me.

As I enter in the final year of my twenties, I keep thinking about ALL of the life I've lived in the past nine years....

Date: March 9, 2002
Event: My Wedding Day
Location: Mobile, AL
Age: 20
Before digital cameras were popular! Too lazy to scan a picture in. Sammy is almost four years my senior (which I love), so maybe that's why NO ONE said a word about me being a little young to be getting married. Not that I regret getting married so young, but I was VERY young. Of course, I did not see it that way.

Date: April 15, 2003
Event: Birth of Breanna Grace Grantham
Location: Greenville, SC (long story)
Age: 21
People did say a thing or two about me becoming a mother just 13 months after getting married. But, we were thrilled. My plan was to have four children, all 2 years apart. That way I wouldn't be an old woman having babies. Because 30 was OLD. What a sweet little baby. Just about as easy as they come.

Date: May 5, 2004
Event: Birth of Joseph Brant Grantham
Location: Jackson, MS (longer story)
Age: 22
This is where the opinions were really made known. "You tryin' to break a record or somethin'?" or, "You know what causes that, don't ya?" Not funny. Thanks be to God that Breanna was such a great baby. Even though she was only four months old when we found out I was pregnant, I was still very excited... And a little nervous. It was hard not being able to prepare Breanna for the arrival of the new baby. Also, being pregnant for two years straight made me feel terrible... Like a had mono. But, Joseph was also a sweet little baby, just as long as he was being held and/or fed. We just lived life one day at a time, and God was faithful to give me ALL of the grace I needed for each day.

Date: July 2004 - August 2006
Event: House Arrest
Location: Mobile, AL (yep, moved again)
Age: 23-25
This is when things started getting tough. We moved back to Mobile when Joseph was 2 months old. Throughout this time Sammy was working full time and getting his master's degree. And I was at home... All day, every day. And I was exhausted. Major sleep deprivation. And my hormones were all kinds of jacked up. Now, I LOVED my babies and enjoyed them to the nth, but... I was anxious. And depressed. And felt bad for feeling that way. Many things contributed to this... Not just hormones and lack of sleep, but I knew NO ONE who admitted to ever feeling so overwhelmed. Why couldn't I get a handle on life? I was isolated and withdrawn. I was not Anna anymore. I was just trying to be what I thought others expected of me. It was very much the best of times and the worst of times.

Date: August 2006- Present
Event: Growing
Location: Still Mobile, just further West
Age:25-28
The children began going to Mom's Day Out for 4 hours a day, twice a week. And, I started back to school. Believe it or not, my first semester back I spoke to no one, except to my professors occasionally. I rarely even made eye contact. It had been so long since I had just been me.

Throughout my twenties, but particularly the second half, I have been on an intense spiritual journey with an intended destination of FREEDOM!! Not freedom from my family, of course, but freedom from myself and all of the unnecessary burdens I carried. It is for freedom that Christ has set me free. But, I was not living in freedom by any means. Mainly because I was trying to make people like me... love me... never be mad at me... and most of all, never, EVER, hurt me.

And, by God's grace, I have let that go. I have no control over the way others perceive me. Or, whether they love me well. Or, talk bad about me... Will I be liked? Who knows?! But, I do know that the energy that used to be spent worrying about what others thought about me is being used in much more God honoring ways... By being more aware of the needs of others, by doing unto others what I want done to me, by trying my best to love well and encourage well, by being more emotionally available, praying, Bible Study, laughing, dancing... living life abundantly! Do I have it all figured out? ABSOLUTELY not! I mess up many, many times everyday. But His grace is sufficient for me.

So, maybe 29 won't bad after all. I mean if 50 is the new 30, that would make me only 9 years old. I like that. What 8 year old isn't thrilled about turning 9?!

Everybody Hurts, Sometimes.

2010-04-17T20:37:00.005-05:00

On the whole, I would describe motherhood as the delight of my life, but there are times when it is so, so hard. In my experience, the most agonizing aspect of motherhood is when my child is hurting, and I mean really hurting, and I can’t make it go away. Now, there are some hurts I can handle. A skinned knee, even various illnesses from which they will soon recover. But, then there is the hurt on the inside that goes much deeper than I thought possible for such a young soul. When my child cries, “they don’t like me,” or, “they won’t play with me,” or, “he/she is hurt my feelings,” it is nearly more than I can bear.

My children are young, so thankfully I have not had to have many of these conversations, but I am a perceptive person and I know my children well. I also know that they are affected by far more than most realize. Children are constantly being molded and impressed upon. When I notice a downtrodden child, we have an emergency therapy session, Mommy style. We normally lay down on the bed, snuggle under the covers, and I tenderly attempt to peel back the layers of hurt to get to the root of the problem. As my child tearfully pours his/ her soul out to me, my mind is flooded with thoughts…. Should I weep or comfort, I need to home school, call a parent, read a parenting book…. “Lord, give me the words to say…. Mend this situation…. Draw him/her to You,” I silently pray. “Shhhhh…. It’s okay to cry,” I whisper as I try to encourage him/her with an appropriate childhood memory, some sort of “plan” to make the situation better and most importantly, a long list of reasons why they are wonderful, and loved, and deeply treasured.

I have wept for my children after conversations like these, normally, when they are in bed sleeping soundly. I kneel beside their beds, caressing their limp little hands, crying out to the Father on their behalf. And I know He is near. And, I know He hears. For if I care this much for my child, how much more tenderly does He care for us in these very moments?

Do you have to hide your love away?

2009-10-11T15:38:00.008-05:00

Hide your love away... Self-protect... Keep Boundaries... Don't wear your heart on your sleeve. These are all ways of saying the same thing. We shouldn’t really be too transparent, too open or too loving, because if we are, we… Might… Get… HURT!!!
After my parents got a divorce, my once warm, soft heart turned ice cold and rock hard. I was rude, sarcastic and angry. Things gradually got better. I THOUGHT I was back to my vulnerable self. I was wrong.
It took me a few years to realize it, but what I had actually done was built more acceptable walls. Subconsciously, I was keeping EVERYONE at a distance. No one knew it. I didn’t even realize it. Any genuine part of me that was revealed either slipped out by accident in a moment of raw emotion OR was presented through a series of carefully chosen words. Ultimately, my fears of being judged, rejected, misunderstood, HURT outweighed my desires for friendship, love and intimacy.
Why walls? I think we put up walls because of hurt, pride, fear, and lack of trust. Most people really aren’t trustworthy, but God is. For years, I didn’t trust God enough to be honest about who I really I am: my struggles, joys, fears, things that I love, things that I hate…
After years of “hiding”, I now realize that this sort of inauthentic fakeness is a miserable way to live! We simply do not have that much control or power; not over ourselves and certainly not over anyone else. This lifestyle is especially detrimental for the Christian. How can we have true fellowship? How can we pray for each other? How do we encourage others and glorify God through the work He has done and is doing in our lives?
Do I think we should tell everyone every little detail of our existence? Of course not!! But I do think that we should be willing to be vulnerable and trust that GOD will protect our hearts.
I cannot control someone’s perception of me. But by God’s grace, I am becoming increasingly more willing to be honest about who I really am and trusting HIM to protect my heart.

He Hears Us.

2009-08-23T14:20:00.010-05:00

James 5:16-18 “Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much. Elijah was a man with a nature like ours, and he prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the earth for three years and six months. Then he prayed again, and the sky poured rain and the earth produced its fruit.”

Hallelujah!! May I never forget or take for granted this glorious truth! What an AMAZING God...

2009-08-10T11:52:00.005-05:00

Motherhood is a baby growing inside of you as it prepares for its official entry into the world.
Motherhood is sleepless nights, engorgement, stitches and 24-7 care giving for everyone but yourself.
Motherhood is sacrificial living.
Motherhood is doing ANYTHING, ANYPLACE for a smile, coo or laugh.
Motherhood is delighting in your child.
Motherhood is going into your child’s room after they’re asleep and kneeling by your little angel’s bed.
Motherhood is knowing how to make it all better.
Motherhood is wanting to cry, but smiling instead.
Motherhood is doing what’s best, even when it’s the hardest choice.
Motherhood is saying, “I’m sorry… Will you forgive me?” on a regular basis.
Motherhood, when properly done, is merely an extension of God’s love through His servant...
Today I am unspeakably grateful to God for giving me the opportunity to experience for myself one of the biggest earthly blessings imaginable. Motherhood…

Kindergarten

2009-08-09T21:19:00.009-05:00

This is my second consecutive year to send a child to kindergarten... Over the past year, with two kindergarten milestones in a row, I’ve often wondered why sending a child to kindergarten is so heartbreaking for moms. I think I’ve figured it out. The first five years of a child’s life fly by, each year passing more quickly than the one before. Kindergarten is one of the first times a mother realizes just how fast her children are growing up. And, although we shudder to think of it, before we know it we will be packing their moving boxes instead of their lunch boxes. And it makes us sad.

Joseph's First Year

2009-08-02T20:53:00.004-05:00

Because my children were born 12 months and 20 days apart, we always have their “big” parties together, but on their actual birthday, we have a smaller family party for just them. On Joseph’s first birthday, Sammy and I gave him his gifts while big sister was napping so he could open them without her “help”. It was a sweet day and we marveled that it had been an ENTIRE year since he was born. “Can you believe it’s been a year,” we asked each other repeatedly.

To be honest, I had just completed the most difficult (yet wonderful) year of my life. In hindsight, I recognize it had also been a year of countless realizations. Realizing that sleep can be far more valuable than following expert advice… Realizing that at times, being practical is a necessity rather than an option… Realizing that sometimes surviving IS thriving… Realizing that God’s grace is like manna; He only gives enough for that day, that hour, that moment…

As we celebrated Joseph, inwardly I was celebrating all of us for making it. We did it!!! Actually, GOD did it. And to this day, I am unspeakably grateful.

Breanna's First Year

2009-08-02T18:39:00.007-05:00

April 15, 2004. Breanna’s first birthday. Much had changed since the day of her birth… As is true with most babies, her first year was truly a year of firsts: first smile, first laugh, first steps, and first words. I had many firsts that year as well: first Mother’s Day, first time to be called Mama, first experience with MOM GUILT…

But that year, our little family experienced much more than those typical firsts: including a big move, a big career change, and a BIG surprise. On Breanna's first birthday, I was days away from delivering baby number 2!! It was an eventful twelve months.

Of course Breanna has no memory of her first birthday party, but I will never forget it. We opted for a small guest list. It was just the three of us. She opened her presents, we went out to dinner and when we came home, she enjoyed her very own birthday cake, followed by a much needed bath.

And I couldn’t help but help but feel a little sad. I knew that Breanna was about to have to grow up a lot faster than any of us were ready for. I wished that I could warn her… Prepare her in some way. But, for that one day I chose forget about my concerns and fears of the days ahead and celebrate my little Breanna turning 1.

Counting the Ways...

2009-07-30T21:03:00.009-05:00

I love his dark hair, his eyes, his hands and the way he is built. I love the sound of his belly laugh. I love hearing him sing in his “eighties hair band” voice when he thinks no one is listening. I love that he ordered the Monster Ballad CDs from an infomercial. I love that he does the dishes and takes out the trash. I love how silly he is, even if it is a Grantham family secret...

I love that he doesn’t mind working hard. I love that he fixed our air conditioner this summer and it only cost us $15. I love that he can do any electrical work that needs to be done around the house. I love that he always includes our son when he does "manly" work, even if it makes the job take twice as long...

I love how much he loves our children. I love when he gets on his knees and slow dances with our daughter. I love watching our little boy “beat up Daddy.” I love that he has led my children in family worship for as long as we all can remember...

I love how much he appreciates and enjoys everything I cook for him. I love that he tells me I am beautiful several times a day. I love that he always wants me to hold his hand, hug, kiss, and snuggle. I love when he says, “I love being married to you.” I love that I know he means it. I love that he is faithful to me in not only his deeds, but also his thought life...

I love that he loves The Church. I love that he enjoys listening to sermons, and not just at church. I love how much enjoys Christian fellowship. I love that loves God...

Most of all, I love that "I am my beloved’s and he is mine."

Details, please!

2009-07-30T09:32:00.008-05:00

Firstly, thank you to all who have been reading my blog and saying such kind words... So encouraging...

I am one who asks (or at least thinks) a lot of questions... A TON of questions. I always want to know why, how, what, when. The more detail the better. According to the book Living Your Strengths, it is because my number one strength is INPUT. I believe it. If something or someone is of interest to me, I can never have enough information on the topic. It can become somewhat obsessive. I suppose that is why I love history. I think that understanding history in general explains current events, behaviors, beliefs, etc.

With that said, I love to learn about my own history. I love getting as much information as possible about my parents, grandparents, great -grandparents, great-great grandparents… As far back as is known and in as much detail as possible. I also enjoy pondering my own personal history… I think it can be useful when trying to determine the root of my own beliefs, feelings and actions. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not “living in the past”, rather I am attempting to understand even myself better.

Due to my insanely short attention span, when I really want to concentrate on something, I put it in writing. And since I am trying to be more vulnerable and honest, I will share my ponderings with you. It may be completely uninteresting to most, but perhaps I have a few “followers” who also possess my incessant need for input… And, to you I say, “Bon Appétit”. : )

Before America Forgets...

2009-07-29T07:59:00.005-05:00

Ms. Dancer was my fourth grade teacher. She was African American and probably about forty or fifty years old. One thing that I vividly remember from being in her class is that she spent hours teaching us about the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s. She taught us about Rosa Parks, boycotts, sit-ins and of course Dr. King. As she described in detail the injustices that were enforced by LAW, my young mind thought that something this awful must have happened decades before. Little did I know that not only had Ms. Dancer had lived in the segregated South, so had my parents…

My parents were both raised in the “Heart of Dixie”, yet it wasn’t until I was a senior in high school that I realized that until THEIR senior year of high school, my parents attended segregated schools. They were both a part of the very first integrated graduating classes of Murphy and Davidson High Schools. They spent the first 17 years of their lives drinking from a “Whites Only” drinking fountain, using segregated bathrooms, sitting in the “White” section of restaurant or Movie Theater. Once I came to this realization that I began to understand why things were the way things were in Mobile…

You see, I moved here from Fort Worth, Texas. My father had always spoken against racism, teaching us how wrong it was... When I moved to Mobile, I was astonished at how “segregated” things still were; from neighborhoods, restaurants, churches, schools… It was pretty remarkable that people were choosing to live this way. Even more remarkable were the unabashed racist remarks and words spoken by just about every white person I encountered…

The older I got, the more I realized that the fact that segregation was in our not so distant past HAD to explain so much about the racial issues that are such a prevalent part of all of American society… But, no one was talking about it. So, I decided that I would do some learning on my own. This is a topic that EVERY American must know well to properly understand our Nation’s current condition…

The greatest resource I’ve come across is The Autobiography of Martin Luther King, Jr. This book is readily available at any library or bookstore. I highly recommend the audio version, if you can get your hands on it… Until then, I implore you to take a honest assessment of your heart… I’ve found that no one thinks they are racist. I’ve also found that it takes purpose and effort to be otherwise…

I have many more thoughts on this topic… So, I’m sure there will be more to come.

My cup overfloweth...

2009-07-27T13:09:00.005-05:00

Feeling pensive … Not sure how to verbalize my thoughts… Overall, aware that I am joyful, peaceful, filled with delight, grateful… Didn’t come easily… A daily choice coupled with prayer for strength greater than my own…

This life will never be perfect… My “to do” list will never be completed… I will let at least one person down daily… I will always be striving for something better than my present circumstance… But…

“His grace is sufficient for me, for power is perfected in weakness… Therefore, I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”

My Little Man

2009-07-15T19:37:00.005-05:00

“I’m worried that my milk hasn’t come in… He’s always hungry”, I said with tear- filled eyes. The sweet nurse told me that he looked like a well fed baby to her. It didn’t take me long to realize that my little baby boy loved me and loved for me to hold him. And so I held him… Some might call it spoiling, but this child seemed to need me. And to be honest, I couldn’t resist…

I don’t know if all little boys are this way, but mine sure is. I’m pretty sure that no other human has ever made me feel so loved. He was made to snuggle. He has that little boy smell, and I love it. If I call him handsome, he calls me beautiful… And I feel beautiful. After an especially busy day, when told that it is bed time, he objects saying, “But I haven’t gotten to snuggle with you very much”… Yes, I do let him stay up a little later. He says "Mommy, I love you" so sincerely, several times a day... Oh, how I love him, too.

And, I know that he is only mine for a little while… Eventually, boys do get too big to snuggle with Mom, although I do tell him that I will ALWAYS make him sit in my lap, even when he is fifty. One day, I probably won’t be the most beautiful woman in his world… That’s okay. I’m going to enjoy him in every stage of life… And get all the snuggles he will give.

Random Acts of Cuteness...

2009-07-14T15:43:00.004-05:00

Today, out of nowhere, Breanna told me, "If I ever have a store, it will be called The B Store, and everything in the store will start with the letter b. It will be a big store with a gas station and everything in the store will be free or on sale. That way if you don't have any money, it won't matter." She is too cute!!

Love....

2009-07-13T22:05:00.011-05:00

It was an impulsive decision and we quickly changed our minds… But it was too late. There was a baby. It was due in April. We were thrilled… And I was sick… But then I was less sick, and there were signs that it truly was more than the stomach flu. We found out it was a she. And I begin to fantasize about who this little person would be. We did all the things new parents do when they are expecting… And then it was time...

Her first few hours of life flew by… Late that night, she and I finally had the chance for some girl time. I unwrapped my tightly blanketed gift. And I loved. Never had I loved THAT kind of love. As I carefully examined this wondrous, tiny, precious gift, waves of emotion flooded my soul…

And I thought of my Father... And I felt that I understood a little better how much He must love me...

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is in your midst; a mighty one who will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness; He will quiet you by His love; He will exult over you with loud singing.

Unsolicited Advice

2009-07-13T14:51:00.002-05:00

Have you ever noticed that anytime there is a “soon-to-be” or “new” mom, every “old” mom she meets; whether stranger, friend or foe, talks nonstop about “when she was pregnant” or “when her kids were little”? I used to HATE that. I now, regretfully admit am the worst of them all.

But there is a reason why women do this…

I got married when I was 20… Thirteen months later I had a daughter… Thirteen months after that I had a son (well, actually twelve months and twenty days later, but who’s counting?). So that makes me a twenty-eight year old with a kindergartner and a first grader. Most of my friends are just now starting their families, while I’m buying uniforms and school supplies… So, I guess by some standards, I am an “old” mom, “remembering when”…

I think one of the biggest reasons why “old” moms like to give new moms advice is that we remember… We remember when four hours of uninterrupted sleep was a victory… We remember going more days than we dare say without taking a shower… We remember daydreaming about when the kids are just a little older and the dreams that have been sacrificially placed on the back burner can be realized… We remember those days…

And we miss them…

We miss taking naps with a warm, snuggly baby resting on our chest… We miss all smiles, coos, giggles and squeals… We miss being there every moment of our very favorite people’s lives… We miss when going to grocery store was our big outing for the week… We miss it…

And, believe it or not, one day you will too...

So, to all of you “new” mom’s out there, my unsolicited advice to you is to let the dishes, the laundry and the “to do” lists wait… because they’ll always be there. If your child wants you to hold them, read to them or play with them say yes… because they won’t always ask. Oh, and if one of us “old” moms want to tell you all about their experiences just listen and smile… because sooner than later you will be an “old” mom too.

“Now What was I going to say???”

2009-07-13T09:35:00.004-05:00

I am a list maker. I always have a small spiral notebook in my purse. I frequently use the reminder feature on my phone… Super organized? Not so much. If I think of something I should to do, or an item that needs to be bought at the grocery store, you will see me frantically reaching for my notepad so that I can put the fleeting thought in writing before it has vanished. And I am not the kind who forgets completely. I remember there was SOMETHING I needed to do/say/buy, but for the life of me I cannot recollect what it was…

You see, my brain is constantly thinking. It’s like a constant inner dialogue that I just can’t shut up! Also, (this will most likely be shocking to you all) I am extremely distractable. I’ve heard it called the “Oooo shiny” syndrome. This forgetfulness carries over into many areas of my life. And the older I get, the more I realize that thoughts, ideas and events, big and small, that want forever etched into my memory must have a notepad of their own.

So, that is the main purpose of my blog. There are a small number of things to keep in mind to fully understand my prose. First, I can be sarcastic and lighthearted… Two things that do not always translate in toneless written word. But when not attempting to be humorous, I am extremely sincere. Also, as stated before, I tend to be easily distracted, so if my thoughts seem to bounce from one subject to another, don’t judge. I am also a huge fan of the typed facial expression, i.e. : ) and am likely to use them ad nauseam.

I am looking forward to sharing pieces of my heart and documenting my memories and thoughts before they are forever gone…..Hopefully, I will not forget my password so that I can continue to log on. : )